Monday, September 7, 2015

Checkmate (2015) Where are the Rifftrax guys when you need them most?

This honest to god got a theatrical release


During a bank robbery Vinnie Jones plays chess with Danny Glover. The police arrive and are shot at by a sniper on a roof- then the film resets to a day earlier...

...and I have no freaking clue- I mean we have a father who has a dying son who needs a transplant, gang bangers robbing a bank, a chess game for the deed to Eternity and  Sean Astin as catholic priest who's a hitman on the side. What the hell is going on? Was anyone connected to this film serious when they made this film?

I don't think anyone in this film had any idea what they were doing. I think everyone in it saw their small section of the script and went with that-maybe even this was made as pieces of eight other films and then sewn together. Clearly everyone took this as a pay day job because no one would have agreed to be in this nonsensical piece of trash if they saw the whole script.

The performances are weak, the action piss poor and the direction and script are beyond bad. And as bad as it is, if you make it to the end of the film you'll be screaming at the end because while everything ties up its one of those "you can't be serious" sort of things. Yea you can sort of piece it together way before the end but you really won't think that they actually will have everything tie together as a battle between god and the devil.... I mean they wouldn't do that would they?

Yes they would.

And its awful.

And they say fuck about 9 million times. No seriously almost every line has one if not two f-bombs in it. Eddie Murphy in all his years doing stand up didn't say it that much. 15 back to back screenings of SCARFACE doesn't have as many f-bombs. Did the writer know any other words? I don't think so.

One of the crappiest films of 2015.

The only way you should watch this is if you're drunk (I mean shitfaced squared drunk) with friends or Mike, Kevin and Bill do it on Rifftrax.

Avoid this one at all costs.


  1. I'm trying to find out how many times fuck has been said in this movie...can anyone answer this

  2. I don't have a fucking clue it would be nice to know